Limitless Monday – To Cry Or Not To Cry, That’s The Question

Limitless Monday – To cry or not to cry, that’s the question

 

 

 

My son once told me that when he sees a grown man cry it makes him cringe. I feel the same way. That also applies to when I see a woman cry in a business setting. It’s a total turn off. Men rarely cry in the workplace.

 

 

Now,  for the record, my son has seen me cry many times. One of the few things that drives me to tears is my children.

 

 

A few years back on Christmas Day, I had the misfortune of being incarcerated. The first thing I did on Christmas morning when the doors of my cell were unlocked was to walk as fast as my legs could carry me to the bank of telephones to call my children. The call was meant to bring a little joy into our hearts on what is meant to be a festive day. It had the opposite effect. My young son became very emotional and ended the call early. Before I could even speak to my daughter the guards screamed out “Lock it down!” and “Get off the phones now!”

 

 

As I made my way back to my cell I climbed onto my top bunk and buried my head under the blanket. I tried to control my emotions but I have to admit to a tear or two seeping out. My cell mate, upon seeing me entering the cell red faced with eyes watering, told me, “Crying is not going to help”.

 

 

He was right, although it irritated me that he had witnessed my distress. It was meant to be a private matter.

 

 

My despair didn’t last for long. I just needed to vent. After a few tears I got on with my day, which consisted of sitting on a small bunk for 24 hours reading, napping, meditating, and performing push ups. Happy f*ucking Christmas!

 

 

I have never cried at work. I can get angry, but that never leads to tears. The boss or your co-workers don’t want to witness that kind of behavior.

 

 

Saying all that, crying as an adult shows you are emotionally connected. It shows you are not a drone. You have feelings. However, it is good to be in control of your emotions, essential even. You are in control of your life if you are in control of your emotions. When I cried on that rare occasion I lost control, sometimes emotions can be too intense to take control of.

 

 

Crying has a knock on effect. I’ll give you an example. A few years ago, during my legal troubles, I asked my mother not to attend the court where I was expecting to be denied bail. I had not seen my mother in a few months, and she flew over especially to comfort me after having recently been arrested. I didn’t want her to be at the court, as I knew the sight of me being frog marched in handcuffs would be extremely tough for a parent to see and especially my mother. As expected, she cried like a baby. That led me to cry in a similar manner. The two burly guards who a few moments before I had wanted to beat to an inch of their lives looked at me with tenderness and assured me, “It will be ok, my friend.”

 

 

Crying is similar to seeing a baby; it can bring out the inner beauty in us. The ego evaporates, and what is left is the raw you. It’s at that point when you are at your most vulnerable, and also at your most powerful. You don’t have anything to lose for those few moments. Don’t mess with someone who is in tears!

 

 

Be sympathetic to someone who you find crying. On rare occasions, someone may use it to gain sympathy, hence why I am dismissive of crying in certain scenarios. It also doesn’t necessarily mean they want sympathy either. They probably want to experience their grief in their own company. You should step away and let them be alone with their emotions, unless you are dealing with a loved one and then a whole new set of rules apply. Perhaps ask them, once emotions have subsided, whether there is anything you can do for them. Don’t ask them what the problem is. It’s not something they probably want to discuss with you at that point.

 

 

When my children leave me to return to their lives, I often shed a few tears of sadness. I try to hold them back and distract myself with happy thoughts, as the last thing I want to do is set my children off, too. However, they are wise to my tricks, especially when I put my sun glasses on when it’s dark outside! They know their father is a cry baby when it comes to them. It’s a sign that I care. That I love them.

 

 

Have a good cry if you feel like it. And don’t feel guilty about it.

 

 

Happy Monday!

 

Banner Image: Crying. Image Credit – Jeremy Bishop