Limitless Monday – Real Reason Your Relationships Keep Ending

Limitless Monday – The Real Reason Your Relationships Keep Ending

 

The other evening, I was sitting in a Columbian bar with my date. I call her my girlfriend; she says we are going steady. Anyway, on this particular occasion we were discussing relationships, a popular topic of conversation these days.

 

Recently, I have been contemplating what led to my many broken relationships so that I can make better choices. That night in the Columbian bar I shared my new insight. I started by explaining that I believe that relationships can be separated into two camps.

 

Firstly there is what I call the ‘Settlers Camp’. These are relationships where one or both parties are settling. One or both parties believe that they can do better, however pickings are in short supply, so they settle for a partner that checks very few of the essential boxes. Secondly there is the ‘Chemistry Camp’. These are relationships that benefit from chemistry.

In the former camp, chemistry or passion is rare. This second camp can be further broken down into two sub-groups. Relationships where there is only chemistry present and those which benefit from both chemistry and shared values and interests. While chemistry is a big factor in a relationship, chemistry alone is going to lead to an unwelcome “bye-bye”.

 

However, my discovery is to do with relationships with chemistry. I have had my fair share of relationships where there was limited chemistry, however we don’t need to dwell on why these ended. The answer is simple: I never settle.

 

The question for me was: why did relationships with chemistry always end too?

 

I had thought about it and realized what I had been missing or naively ignoring. Let’s say you meet Jennifer in a bar. You ask her how her night is going. She answers enthusiastically. You take that as a sign she is interested. You move your bar stool closer, and before you know it you are having shots, laughing, joking, and maybe even dancing on the bar. You wake up in bed the next morning with Jennifer, although you are not certain if her name is Jenifer, Jenny, or Janet. Wondering what the hell happened, the events of the previous evening all come flooding back. You want to see Jennifer again and repeat the same performance. You embark on a whirlwind romance. On the second date you are less hammered as you were a few days before, but you still find Jenn attractive and funny. The chemistry is definitely there. It is on the next few dates, however, where you are likely to notice the one or two traits or habits which you don’t think are irritating just yet but you believe they have the potential to be.

 

It is these qualities which we must be alert to because immense chemistry blinds you at the beginning of any relationship. This blindness will eventually lift, and at this point those faintly irritating personality disorders will grow larger and larger until finally they annoy the hell out of you, and later you are writing them down as part of your petition for divorce.

 

These qualities don’t have to be personality disorders per se. They are qualities that are not compatible with you and perhaps other sane individuals. Here are a few I have experienced over the years:

 

Excessive drinking – usually over 3 pints of Stella then the trouble starts. An aggressive argumentative drunk is a red flag.

 

Irrational behavior – including signs of unwarranted nastiness.

 

Talking down to people including waiters, bar staff, and people who are just trying to be helpful.

 

Small mindedness – those who have little to discuss and focus on the minutiae of life which bores the hell out of you – unless, of course, you are also small minded, and then you may have found your match.

 

Signs of complaining and negativity cropping up regularly in conversation.

 

Someone who frowns a lot and rarely smiles or laughs.

 

Someone who has a tendency to interrupt on a regular basis.

 

Someone who has a tendency to talk about themselves a lot.

 

Someone who doesn’t listen, regularly changes the subject to bring it back to themselves, or asks a question and before they receive the full response answer the question for you.

 

Someone who is slow to return calls or messages.

 

Someone who displays unreasonable signs of jealousy.

 

As well as being alert to these red flags, we must also be willing to make the tough decisions and cut these relationships off at the knees knowing that these unpleasant habits are going to turn into big problems later.

 

If I am being honest with myself, I was aware of these deal breakers in all my failed relationships; I chose to ignore them, and wasted considerable time which could have been better spent finding the perfect partner, and let me tell you they are out there!

 

As a wise person once said, “This man (or woman) is not for settling!”

 

Happy Monday!

 

 

Banner Image: Relationship breakups.  Image Credit – Marek Studzinski