Limitless Monday – Are You Jaded by Life?

Limitless Monday – Are you jaded by life?

 

 

 

As a man, when you begin dating after the age of 40,  there is a phenomenon that starts to appear in your female companions. I used to call it the “bitter and twisted syndrome.” As you get older, that phenomenon becomes more common until it is rare to meet someone without that problem.

 

 

What I am talking about here are people who have become jaded by life. They believe life has been unfair and has treated them badly. Maybe they had a failed marriage, perhaps two or three. The ex-husband may have turned to drink, left the family home for a younger woman, spent all her money on drugs and gambling, or just treated her like crap for the entirety of their marriage or relationship. As a result, they no longer trust men. In fact, they don’t trust anyone. They have become paranoid and suspicious.

 

 

Of course, this rarely surfaces at the beginning of a relationship, but it is a condition they can’t keep covered up for long.

 

 

I have dated a few such women. One lady in particular was in her mid forties when we began dating. She was pleasant enough at the beginning. However, her paranoia surfaced after about two weeks. She had been married twice. She had a kid with her first husband who she ended up raising on her own. Both husbands had turned to wine (actually, more likely cheap hard liquor) and women before either leaving her or being kicked out. On the face of it, you can understand her bitterness. I even felt a little sorry for her until she started to inflict her negative characteristics on me, and at that point I had to walk away.

 

 

Some people believe they are what is referred to as damaged goods. That thinking leads to a range of negative thoughts including lack of self respect, distrust, and a confrontational attitude. As soon as someone assumes this label, turning back is difficult. Their insecurity only leads them to choose partners that are unsuitable, resulting in a repeat of their previous failed relationships. If they are lucky enough to find a good partner, they will often chase them away with their paranoia and distrust.

 

 

How do we snap out of this debilitating cycle?

 

 

First, you must realize you are only damaged if you believe you are. People will accept the labels you put on yourself. If you have a positive attitude and use your past relationships as a way to grow and learn, that will shine through. If you forgive and forget and are willing to give second, third, and fourth chances, then you will embrace life, and others will embrace you.

 

 

Deciding to be jaded with life is a decision you have made. It is a statement that you have given up. You have concluded that there is no more happiness for you. That’s a sad state of affairs. All it takes is a decision to embrace life, to give happiness a second chance, to quickly reverse that bad decision.

 

 

Of course, if the root of your problems is your relationships, you probably also want to examine the common cause of these failures. Are you picking the same kind of guy or gal? The ones with red flags sticking out of every orifice which you continue to ignore? Start becoming more discerning; stop settling for losers and no hopers.

 

 

This approach to life doesn’t just apply to relationships. If you are jaded because you are bored of your job, then the same rules apply. Rather than stay put, a change is necessary. But a positive change, not more of the same with different people in a slightly different environment.

 

 

If you feel yourself getting jaded with life, it’s your own red flag that something has to change – and fast. You do not want to find yourself dropping down that black hole where it will be difficult to climb out. It’s time to inject some joy into your life. It’s time to grab life firmly by the balls and squeeze every drop out of them.

 

 

Happy Monday!

 

Banner Image: Jaded. Image Credit – Andrew Le