My 16 year old son recently recommended I watch a show called The Gentleman, a Guy Richie production.
I have always liked Guy Richie’s movies, however his latest standout performance sparked my interest to find out what made the man tick.
That intention led me to the Joe Rogan podcast where he interviews Mr. Richie, discussing everything from his 20 year jiu jitsu practice to the book which he partly attributes to his success. The book in question is called Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin.
In fact, I was already familiar with Jocko. He was my inspiration for starting jiu jitsu and rising at 5am every morning, “…when the enemy is sleeping”.
The reason why I am telling you this convoluted story is two fold. Firstly, it demonstrates the importance of always being curious. You don’t know where curiosity will lead you. However, rest assured, it will definitely lead you somewhere.
Secondly, my son’s recommendation led me to reading Jocko’s book and is of course the subject matter of today’s article.
As a life coach, one of the most common problems I come across is the failure of my clients to take ownership.
This habitual blame game resides in most of us. Sometimes I have to check myself just as I begin to find someone or something to shift the blame to. It’s always easier to blame someone else. Or at least that appears to be the case in the first instance.
In fact in reality shifting the blame is not the easy option. It increases the chance of the same issue reoccurring 100 fold.
I am sure we are all in the habit of blaming our mode of transport, the traffic, or construction when we are late for work or a meeting.
Many inmates blame their predicament on a range of scenarios including ‘snitches’, upbringing, or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Most of us are in the habit of blaming everyone but ourselves for any negative predicament we find ourselves in.
Amazingly, however, we are more than happy to take the credit for all the favorable outcomes in our lives.
Why is it necessary to take responsibility you may ask?
It stands to reason that if you take control of a situation, you have a better chance of influencing the outcome. If, however, you choose to blame what you initially perceive as a bad outcome on outside factors, you have little chance of changing your future performance.
That’s because your conscience will believe the outcome is out of your control, and that luck and good fortune is the key influencer.
Shifting blame certainly is not the optimal way to live life and it definitely isn’t the way to achieve success. Following the philosophy of not taking responsibility will mean you will never fulfill your true potential. You will stagnate, bogged down in negativity and hopelessness.
If your husband/wife leaves you – think, what did I do to cause this? What could I have done better?
If you lose your job – think, why did my boss fire me? What would I have done if I was in his shoes? Probably fire my ass. So what can I do to ensure this doesn’t happen again? What can I learn from this, and what is good about it?
If you don’t get the pay raise or promotion – think, why? Avoid blaming your boss. What would you have done if you were in their shoes? What can you do better? Is this job really for me? Could I earn more money elsewhere where my skills can be better put to use?
If you are late for work – think, I should leave earlier next time. Perhaps I should use another mode of transport to get there faster.
If you fail your exam – think, where did I go wrong? Where I am weakest? I need to work on this.
If your business fails – think, what happened? What can I learn from this? Remember, fail fast, fail often.
If you become sick – think, why? Do I need to change my lifestyle or eating habits? This is an opportunity to rebuild and get stronger when I am well. It starts with a fitness regime.
If you end up in prison – think, this is the last place I want to be! What can I do whilst I am locked away that will ensure this never happens to me again? How can I use my time so that when I leave this place I am noticeably a better version of my previous self?
Don’t shirk responsibility. Taking responsibility is the quickest way of extracting yourself from a predicament, and ensuring it never happens again. If you fail to heed these words, life won’t change much for you.
Jocko’s book explains how performance improves markedly on the battlefield, in business, and in life by taking responsibility, even to the extent where everyone is saying to you, “It wasn’t your fault man, it was just bad luck.”
There is no bad luck in life. You make your own luck, and that starts by taking responsibility. Start today!
Harry is an author, coach, entrepreneur, comedian and a convicted felon. Harry was sent to prison for a financial crime where he spent five long years. Prison allowed Harry to realize the error of his ways. He decided to use his time productively and mobilize his extraordinary determination, dedication, drive, motivation and desire to focus on writing and the art of self-improvement. Before Harry’s enforced vacation he was one of the most prolific deal makers in the City of London.
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