Limitless Monday – Become Unreliable

Limitless Monday – Become unreliable

The saying goes: you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. That seems to be the story of most people who are engaged in the advice giving business.

Last Saturday I was sitting at a bar with a good friend of mine enjoying a margarita or five as he explained a dilemma he had found himself in. In short, my friend has been subsidizing an ex-girlfriend and was frustrated that she was not able to stand on her own two feet. My advice was, “become unreliable.” What I meant by that is, my friend is one of the most reliable, loyal, and generous people I know. However, that has its drawbacks.

People take advantage of such qualities. Rather than make the hard decisions and take responsibility for their hardships some of us continue to rely on handouts. It can become burdensome to the good hearted among us and is often taken as a sign of weakness.

I was explaining to my friend that I like to use a little experiment I have devised over the years.

I utilize it when I am not totally sure of the intentions of a friend, girlfriend, or even a wife.

If you suspect someone is only interested in your money or your labor, become unreliable. That involves missing a payment or two into their bank account and then gauging their reaction. If they refuse to speak to you, withhold sexual favors, or become irritable when you come in contact with them, then you have your answer.

Assuming the receiver of your tough love is not your wife, it forces the person to take responsibility for their current predicament. It helps them to start thinking for themselves and become self-sufficient.

When they try to guilt you into returning to your generous ways by complaining about the possible consequences of your actions, such as, “I am going to be homeless,” remember, you are doing it for their own good. Also understand that they will not let these dire consequences happen.

You are facilitating them to become self-sufficient. People prefer to take the easy option. Become unreliable, and they have no choice but to become self reliant.

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I was unduly reliant on a girlfriend once after I exited jail. She paid my bills and dealt with some of my day to day chores and problems. When we split, all that stopped. It was an inconvenience to have to deal with all those obligations myself but after taking that first step it was liberating.

Innately none of us want to be reliant on others unless the help comes with no strings attached, which is rarely the case. However your continued aid is bad for them in the long term, as you are preventing them from taking risks, thinking for themselves, and living a productive life.

We are not only here for our own growth and development alone. We are here to help others grow, too. It’s tough love, but it’s required. By taking this approach, it’s an effective way to cut people out of your life if you discover they are only interested in your money.

I should have learned this lesson just before I married my second wife. You live and learn!

Happy Monday!

Banner Image: Sign. Image Credit – Jon Tyson