Limitless Monday – Why people who refuse to apologize should be avoided

Limitless Monday – Why people who refuse to apologize should be avoided

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who apologize and those who don’t. Among those who do apologize, there’s a distinction between those who over-apologize and those who apologize thoughtfully and only when necessary.

People who refuse to apologize no matter what are dangerous to have in your life. Their true nature is often only exposed when something goes wrong. It is important to remember: they will never change.

Circumstances that I believe warrant an apology may not be worthy of an apology for you. It’s a highly subjective topic of conversation.

Here are a few random examples of situations where I believe an apology should be forthcoming as a matter of routine. No discussion required.

Let’s say your wife cheats on you with your best friend, you discover the infidelity, and rather than apologize she blames you for her misdeed. You didn’t pay her enough attention, she complains. You had it coming, she shouts at you.

Your business partner cleans out the company bank account and takes off. You bump into him a few years later when the dust has settled, and he becomes angry saying he deserved every penny.

You have an engagement party. Your girlfriend gets roaring drunk and disappears. You go looking for her and discover that she is sitting in the upstairs bar with her feet up on a random guy’s legs. She attacks you in the taxi on the way home and the next morning remembers nothing. When you repeat the story she says you must have made it all up and refuses to apologize for her behavior. When you show her a video of her outburst in the back of the taxi she complains that filming her while drunk is an invasion of her privacy. She still refuses to apologize.

You go out on a romantic dinner with a girlfriend, she proceeds to complain about the food, the atmosphere, the service, the customers, even your jokes. You pay the bill and leave with her. Her behavior can only be described as abominable, in your opinion and probably the waiters. She has no intention of apologizing, in fact, she complains her behavior was all your fault.

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Why is it important to apologize? Some of us may not care less if a person doesn’t apologize when the situation demands. Expecting an apology for its own sake is not the point. An apology determines a person’s character. It shows if they take responsibility for their actions and if they recognize their mistakes. Someone who apologizes at the appropriate time displays humility and strength of character. Overall it demonstrates a high level of emotional intelligence.

Someone who refuses to apologize despite the circumstances is generally arrogant, takes no responsibility for his or her actions, is stubborn and insensitive to other people’s feelings. He or she is emotionally unintelligent. They can’t be counted on in challenging circumstances and are unlikely to learn from their mistakes because they believe any problem is always the fault of others.

Now saying all this, if you are someone who finds yourself constantly apologizing, that is a sign you are weak and insecure. I would still much prefer to have you as my friend compared to the person who never apologizes. However, you do need to work on yourself. Growing a pair would be a good start.

While the subject of whether someone apologizes or not may seem petty, it is important in determining the kind of friends and colleagues we should have in our lives if we wish to grow and prosper.

Finally, when you are wrong, just say sorry and mean it.

Happy Monday!

Banner Image: Apologies. Image Credit – mark tulin